Saturday, September 19th 2015 marked a new adventure in my life: I moved away for university. Things were messy, in a jumbled emotional kind of way. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the sudden rush of loneliness when I was left alone in an empty flat; no noise, no people, no nothing.
On my first day I thought things would be a lot more sociable than what they were. In all honesty, the first day was pretty shit. The handful of flatmates who had moved in stayed in their rooms with their doors shut whilst mine stayed invitingly open as I prayed somebody would come and talk to me. A few people did pop their heads around the door to introduce themselves but it wasn’t much and I felt like shit. At about 9pm a new guy turned up who seemed pretty friendly and chatty so when he asked for my help I happily obliged. But again, afterwards, he went into his room and didn’t come back out. The upside of it all was that I did get to watch the new episode of Doctor Who (which I thought was pretty good!) even if I did feel like crying every five minutes.
The next day another first year was moving in and judging by her Facebook she seemed pretty nice. In the morning I got ready and headed into the city by myself to pick up a few bits and pieces I’d forgotten to pack. Seeing all the other students out en masse with their new flatmates (it was pretty easy to spot who were students) made me feel a little down all over again. Thankfully, when the new girl did move in that afternoon she was warm and friendly and we spent a few hours talking and wandering the city. There were plans to do something with another flatmate that night but they fell through on account of everybody being exhausted. Not that I mind, I’m actually dreading going out to night clubs. If I go at all I think it will only be the once. I preferred the evening in watching The X Factor over our terrible cooking to anything a night out could offer me.
It’s now my third day in my new flat and things are easing up a little. I don’t yet feel comfortable around anybody but I’m a lot more at ease than I was when I first moved in. Every move I make fills me with dread: am I being judged; what will my flatmates think if I do this; what will they think if I don’t do this. Everything from mealtimes to what to wear to how I walk is stressful right now. I hope it disappears soon!
To end on a lighter note, though, I’ve made a little gallery with a few photos from my room. My favourite part is my book shelf with the pretty little fairy lights—it looks beautiful at dusk. And the notice board I’ve filled with family and friends makes me smile a lot.