It’s time to get real. No matter who you are, no matter how hard you try to be positive and stay happy, there will always be bad days. That’s something I’m learning to come to terms with.
I’ve always struggled with anxiety but the turn of my second year at university brought with it a brand new friend: depression. Such joy (hardi-har-har). There’s no doubt about the fact it’s been hard, that I’ve spent more time trapped in a bubble of non-existence than I ever thought possible, but the other side is sunnier. Then again… there will always be bad days.
I’ve learnt a lot about myself lately. It’s easier now to identify when I’m slipping, and I have a wonderful boyfriend whose very presence is a comfort like no other. In spite of all the positives now in my life though, and the antidepressants I take daily, well, I can’t help but still fall sometimes.
This post is making its way into daylight because this weekend I fell. I cried – a lot. I went out drinking on Friday night and suddenly found my mood plummeting shortly after midnight. I don’t react negatively to booze – it makes me more carefree, loud and giggly – but before I could even get a grasp on what was happening I was sat in a corner crying as the aforementioned (wonderful) boyfriend offered to take me home (and order us takeaway on the walk back to the flat, what a gem).
Then came the next day, when I battled between ups and downs and even more downs for most of the day. I cried again – a lot.I’m no stranger to these phases but every time they hit me I forget quite how harrowing and exhausting they can be. I’m just glad to have a strong support network to lean back on.
My blog suffered during my depressive episodes of late-2016 and so did my reading. Sorry about that – except, no, I’m not. It couldn’t be helped. I’d love to offer up some sage advice here about how to beat depression in its tracks and put those down days to bed once and for all but I’m still as clueless as everyone else. Will there ever be an answer? I doubt it.
The takeaway is that no matter what, there will always be bad days and there’s nothing you nor I can do to fix that. We just have to ride them out and try, as hard as we can, to remember it is temporary. The world may feel unforgiving but there is always light someplace.